Relationships can SUCK

SO and I have been going through a really hard time lately. We're trying to overcome some issues we've kind of pushed under the rug for the past year or so. The fighting makes me physically ill. Its so hard fighting all the time with someone you love and care about.

We're the kind of couple where people say "opposites attract"-- my strengths are his weaknesses and my weaknesses are his strengths. We work together in that way very well- when we are together I feel like we compliment each other well and make each other better people. But our differences are so much that we struggle understanding each other sometimes, we have a hard time relating or feeling empathy for each other because we have a really tough time understanding how the other thinks.

We became pregnant with Isaac after only 4 months of dating. It's been a really rough road... and sometimes I'm not sure we've stayed together because we actually want to be together- which is a very very hard thing to admit and makes me very sad.

SO has started making some huge changes in his behavior. He plays MMO's nearly 40 hours a week on top of working 45-50 hours at his job. He's "here" but he's not here at the same time. The past two weeks he has seriously cut back the amount of time spent playing games. Its been stressful for him because that's how he checks out and copes with his stress from work.

Now that he's spending more time with us, feelings we have not been able to express seem to be spilling out all over the place from both of us. It's been overwhelming and painful, but healing at the same time.

We started reading a premarital counseling book together last night, and I feel strongly that any couple planning to marry should, at the very least, do the same thing. It caused both of us to do a little soul searching, and be a little more open-minded to the other. I hope that we can attend premarital classes at our church- or something along those lines.

We decided that if we don't work out, we could at least stay together as friends for Isaac's sake... at I even suggested we just kind of start over at that point as well. He suggested I start looking for a job- that in any case, having a job would be beneficial right now in many ways, and I think I agree. We decided to pray on it a few days and I'm going to start checking craigslist for teaching positions at local daycares.

Today I have a lot of hope for us, and I know that everything will work out positively in the end- even if that means its the end of us. I still love him like crazy, I just think I've lost sight of what's important and have a lot of hurt feelings that I need to let go of and forgive him for- and he needs to do the same.

RELAX!

Isaac eating dinner


Like most new parents, I was really scared of everything when it came to Isaac. After seeing some of my friends who are "seasoned" parents with their kids, I saw how much anxiety I was creating for myself by worrying about every little rule out there in regards of child-rearing. I came to realize that raising a child is more about your "gut" than following all the rules in a guidebook. Now I'm not passing judgment on you moms and dads you follow all the rules- if that what puts you at ease- good for you! But for me, it did more harm than good!

Today I want to focus on Nutrition.

First of all- I am NOT an expert on nutrition! I just want to share my experience ;)

Isaac has been eating "solid food" (AKA pureed versions of what most adults don't eat - lol - fruits, veggies, and rice cereal) since he was about 3.5 months old. Some may say "WHAT! THAT IS TOO YOUNG!" I understand not all babies want food at 3.5 months old! At 3.5 months old Isaac already spent a lot of time in his high chair, and sat with us at dinner. He was eyeballing our food like- hmm that looks good. He sat up well with support. I figured giving him a spoonful of baby cereal and seeing how he did couldn't hurt. The first few tries he spit it out, but after he figured out how to suck it off the spoon and swallow it, he was ALL about it. "MMMMMM!" was usually how it went down. Don't be worried if your baby doesn't want to try solids until he is 6 months, 9 months, or ever over a year- Just remember its about listening to your own instincts, and paying attention to what your baby is ready for. Not all babies like rice cereal too, his pediatrician said bananas or avocados are also great first foods, so if cereal is getting rejected, try one of those!

He only ate about a tablespoon of rice cereal once a day at first. I took the advice of experts and only introduced 1 new food a week (they said every 3-4 days, but I just made it every Monday). By the time he was 6 months old he was eating solids twice a day, and had tried squash, zucchini, sweet potato, corn, green beans, peas, apples, peaches, raspberries, pears, baby rice cereal with a little apple juice or pear juice, and oatmeal.

A little while after his 6 month appointment, I let him start self feeding the rice puffs. They melt in your mouth really fast and are hard to choke on. Once he seemed to master those and start chewing a bit, I gave him cheerios, and then every night would give him a little of whatever we were eating. He sometimes coughed a little bit or had something go down the wrong tube- but he was learning to eat- in my opinion, that would be expected. Slowly he stopped wanting to be spoon fed and only wanted to self-feed. It was easy to tell when he didn't like something or was full, he would start playing with his food or spit it out.

Overall, I try to think the most natural way a baby would be raised without all the rules and regulations. I take what I learn about certain things into account, and I am cautious, but I also know that a lot of companies use fear tactics in regards to parents wanting to protect their children to sell their products, and one should keep that in mind when buying things at the grocery store. I have noticed that things designated "baby" are a lot of times exactly the same as their adult counterparts just much more expensive and in cuter containers.

I buy adult juice, I water it down usually 1 oz juice: 7 oz water. I have never bought the baby water to mix with formula. We pay for ice mountain to deliver for our water cooler- its clean, and its in a BPA- free 5 gallon REUSABLE jug. I give him adult apple sauce and yogurt- I get natural applesauce- without added sugar, and I do buy nonfat yogurt.

Isaac is now 10.5 months old. He has been weened onto 2% Cow's milk. We tried vitamin D and it was too much, he really doesn't need full fat anyway- even nonfat milk has the same amount of vitamins and minerals as whole milk- and if you check the ingredients of your regular formula- its made with nonfat milk. We weened him "early" because I saw at this point he only drinks maybe 18-20 oz of formula, and is getting most of his nutrition from food, not milk. We either buy organic milk, or milk that has not come from cows who have had the extra hormones and junk (if you are not sure, ask your retailer or email the store's president).

I posted this to share my experiences and to help others. I'm not saying that all babies are fed this way- but for you to trust your instincts over the advice of anyone! If you don't know- research and go with what feels BEST for you and your child. You know- trust yourself!

I've was really down on myself yesterday. I just seem to love doing the "why me" when it comes to my emotional eating. I find myself wishing I was addicted to something else other than food... food addictions are so VISUAL. I ended up on my elliptical last night for 15 minutes before I took a shower and went to bed, and I took out all my frustration on myself that way.

I made a vow to start planning our dinners again- so that we save money by not ordering in, and I can save myself from the torment of weight gain. I have to remember- the pleasure from fatty foods only lasts minutes- its negative effects take weeks and sometimes months to wear off- and the money could be well spent on something MUCH more worthwhile: our wedding, a vacation, a trip to the zoo, a trip to Cosi... Things that will give us wonderful memories with our family, and not sit on our hips!

So far this week I've stuck to the plan, but we are also too broke to order in. I need to make sure when planning our meals, that at least 3 out of 7 of them are simple to make and won't make me feel like "oh jeez, now its time to cook dinner- what a drag."

I'm pretty happy that we've only been spending about $100 a week on groceries, and that will go down significantly once Isaac is off formula. If we stop ordering in, that will probably save us another $40-60 a week (isn't that ridiculous?).

Once I get off the computer I'm going back on my elliptical for a minimum 10 minute workout. That will put me at 4 days in a row tracking calories and working out at least 10 minutes (it is usually more than 10 but its nice to know I can stop after 10). I did this in the late winter, and lost all the weight I gained with my pregnancy (30 lbs). So I know it works, and I know it really helps me feel good and stay on top of things.

I've been reading my bible LIKE CRAZY lately. I've been using it as a way to keep from getting on the computer and snacking too much (what a positive way to do that, right?). In the past 2 weeks I've read both 1-2Samuel, and I'm about half way through Kings. I read something today about King Soloman that just blew me away. The Lord came to him in a dream after he'd made 1000 sacrifices and asked him what he wanted. I wondered what I would I would say if God asked me that, knowing he would give it to me... I could think of a hundred selfish things, but read on because I really wanted to know what Soloman would say. He asked for an obedient heart. (this is going to bring me to tears lol). Out of everything he could ask for and have- he asks for an obedient heart, so that he can know and do what the Lord asks him to do, so that he can be wise and know what is right and what is wrong. I realized today that I ask for that in my prayers a lot. God speaks to me and tells me what I need to do to change and to be happier, but I often find myself ignoring Him and doing it my way- and stay miserable. I WANT to do the things he asks me to do! I know that I will ENJOY doing them! But for some crazy reason I find myself sitting on the couch watching TV or on Facebook wasting time... I just can't give up.

It's hard to break habits, but even with distractions and getting led off course from time to time- if I remain in pursuit and going the right direction, I will reach my goal. It's patience that is hard to come by sometimes.

I want to make a "Vision Poster". I've made one before- but I have a different vision I'd like to represent now. The idea comes from the SparkDiet on sparkpeople.com. You make a poster that has representations of what you want and where you want to be in your life, and when you find yourself drifting away from those things, a glance at your poster helps put you back on track. So I suppose that will be my main goal for September- to make a vision poster.

Glad I wrote this today, I'm feeling much better than I was last night! Now: off to the elliptical!