I've was really down on myself yesterday. I just seem to love doing the "why me" when it comes to my emotional eating. I find myself wishing I was addicted to something else other than food... food addictions are so VISUAL. I ended up on my elliptical last night for 15 minutes before I took a shower and went to bed, and I took out all my frustration on myself that way.

I made a vow to start planning our dinners again- so that we save money by not ordering in, and I can save myself from the torment of weight gain. I have to remember- the pleasure from fatty foods only lasts minutes- its negative effects take weeks and sometimes months to wear off- and the money could be well spent on something MUCH more worthwhile: our wedding, a vacation, a trip to the zoo, a trip to Cosi... Things that will give us wonderful memories with our family, and not sit on our hips!

So far this week I've stuck to the plan, but we are also too broke to order in. I need to make sure when planning our meals, that at least 3 out of 7 of them are simple to make and won't make me feel like "oh jeez, now its time to cook dinner- what a drag."

I'm pretty happy that we've only been spending about $100 a week on groceries, and that will go down significantly once Isaac is off formula. If we stop ordering in, that will probably save us another $40-60 a week (isn't that ridiculous?).

Once I get off the computer I'm going back on my elliptical for a minimum 10 minute workout. That will put me at 4 days in a row tracking calories and working out at least 10 minutes (it is usually more than 10 but its nice to know I can stop after 10). I did this in the late winter, and lost all the weight I gained with my pregnancy (30 lbs). So I know it works, and I know it really helps me feel good and stay on top of things.

I've been reading my bible LIKE CRAZY lately. I've been using it as a way to keep from getting on the computer and snacking too much (what a positive way to do that, right?). In the past 2 weeks I've read both 1-2Samuel, and I'm about half way through Kings. I read something today about King Soloman that just blew me away. The Lord came to him in a dream after he'd made 1000 sacrifices and asked him what he wanted. I wondered what I would I would say if God asked me that, knowing he would give it to me... I could think of a hundred selfish things, but read on because I really wanted to know what Soloman would say. He asked for an obedient heart. (this is going to bring me to tears lol). Out of everything he could ask for and have- he asks for an obedient heart, so that he can know and do what the Lord asks him to do, so that he can be wise and know what is right and what is wrong. I realized today that I ask for that in my prayers a lot. God speaks to me and tells me what I need to do to change and to be happier, but I often find myself ignoring Him and doing it my way- and stay miserable. I WANT to do the things he asks me to do! I know that I will ENJOY doing them! But for some crazy reason I find myself sitting on the couch watching TV or on Facebook wasting time... I just can't give up.

It's hard to break habits, but even with distractions and getting led off course from time to time- if I remain in pursuit and going the right direction, I will reach my goal. It's patience that is hard to come by sometimes.

I want to make a "Vision Poster". I've made one before- but I have a different vision I'd like to represent now. The idea comes from the SparkDiet on sparkpeople.com. You make a poster that has representations of what you want and where you want to be in your life, and when you find yourself drifting away from those things, a glance at your poster helps put you back on track. So I suppose that will be my main goal for September- to make a vision poster.

Glad I wrote this today, I'm feeling much better than I was last night! Now: off to the elliptical!