What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behaviour
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Saviour
My body is still the body that lived without God for so long, this body is the same body that drank too much, did too many drugs- the same body that chose to take on everything on its own. God came into my life, I let Jesus in my heart- and He changed me so completely inside that I know I no longer need those things in my life; I no longer want them. My heart and soul are new- but my body remains the same, and I struggle constantly with its wants. "What's going on inside of me? I despise my own behaviour."
Its important to repent. Even with something you seem to keep doing over and over again. I get to a point where I am so twisted up inside because I'm doing things that my heart is begging me to stop and I try and distant myself from Jesus- I TRY AND DISTANCE MYSELF FROM MY OWN HEART. When we do the things our heart, our God, is begging us to stop, it starts to tear you in half inside- and if you don't repent- those tears just get bigger and more painful. I find myself, out of stubbornness and out of GUILT, holding onto these things, convincing myself "God knows I've done wrong- I don't have to tell HIM about it!" Well, don't give into that lie. If you can feel that twist and tear inside you, you know it needs to be dealt with.
I'm not sharing this lesson I learned this past weekend because I've got this down. This is a lesson I have had to learn several times, and I have no doubt I will have to learn it several more. There are many ways you can repent- ask God how he wants you to do it. Sometimes its just a prayer, sometimes he might ask you to fast, maybe even make you victim to the same sin you NEED to repent. I'm not going to tell you how- let Him.
Something come up in your mind while you were reading this? Don't delay- take care of that so you can free yourself and move on!
Some lessons are hard to really learn. We know them, but actually keeping them or living them is hard! I just keep trying, and of course get frustrated with each mistake I make.
ReplyDeleteBeing told something--knowing something, that is, is different than understanding it. You know that these things--drugs, alcohol, food, etc--are maybe not good for you, but does your body really understand this? We fall down all the time--getting back up is the hardest part of moving on.
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