Answers

My small group left me to answer this question: Have there been things that have caused tension in your prayers?

At first I couldn't answer it. Its been a week and a half since I first pondered the question. I finally believe I have an answer though.

While I was still pregnant with Isaac, I decided I needed to take my prayer life more seriously, and got a notebook to start writing prayers and bible studies in. My parents considered themselves Christian, but never took us to church regularly, and didn't teach us to pray or read our bibles (actually I don't even think I got a bible until I was like 12 after I asked for one). I don't hold it against them or anything... but obviously, if you are taught those things from a young age, they come more naturally. Prayer has always been really hard for me to do. Its never been my go-to when a problem comes up or I'm stressed out about something. I saw I needed to change this in my life if I wanted to seek a closer relationship with God, hence the notebook.

Since we had spoken about prayer in my group, I decided to go back and read my prayers and requests and check off the ones that had been answered. As I read, I saw periods of time in my life where I was really being tried and praying every day. I remembered the tension I felt in those prayers... I remember thinking ever single day that TODAY would be the day it would be better, and it wasn't. Well, those prayers were answered, but it took a lot more time than I could have anticipated... And being able to look back and see this is truly a blessing. It encourages me to keep praying on those things that I'm praying for NOW, and gives me even more trust in God's plan for my life.

Every single time I come to an issue in my life that is hard, that I don't really want to deal with... that I want to find an answer to quickly and FIX, I start trying to put pegs in holes, ignoring the fact that they are not the right shape. Time has taught me this year to trust God more, and to step back, chill out, LISTEN, and obey. I learn over and over again that when I think I've got it down, I DON'T. Hahaha...

Thank you, Father, for being my parent. Thank you for teaching me to walk. The longer I live this life of a parent myself, I see more how You really are my Father. I love you. I pray you continue to guide me and show me new things, and enrich my life in ways not of this world. Thank you for this life of PLENTY! Oh how we all take for granted this amazing life we've been given! To live in a country where even the poorest of poor are better off than most in the world! Such a gift! Thank you for showing me how to share again, Lord... and to appreciate the life you've gifted me with. You are so generous. I pray that you touch the lives of my friends and family, and bless them with this knowledge. I pray I can live as an example that others will desire You through. I continue to lift my life up to You, Father, and obey your will. In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray, Amen.