So, it turns out, being the caretaker-type, then having a child on top of that... well, it can make me lose sight of Me.
Hello! Its totally cool for me to spend some time everyday doing something I want to do for myself. Working on a goal that is purely for my own benefit, and really no one else's (as long as its not something harmful for those around me, of course). No need to feel guilty that instead of getting down on the floor to scoop cheerios off the carpet or push cars around with my son, I chose to educate myself further and work towards something I've wanted for myself for a long time! Am I right? (Of course I am).
I have probably mentioned it before, but I have a Bachelor's in Fine Art. The whole point in going to school for art was so that, obviously, I could be an artist. Now, I got a bit sidetracked and disheartened on that goal, even before I graduated. Thinking of all that was scary and hard to imagine happening! They probably do a better job of it now, but when I was in school- I didn't really receive much information on how to really get started as an artist after I left (which is probably why a lot of the people I know from school work in coffee shops and welding factories now).
I have taken it upon myself this past month to educate myself on "being an artist." Back in high school, when I was dreaming up this future for myself, I thought becoming an artist meant if I just worked hard, made a lot of neat stuff, and showed it to people I would eventually be "discovered" and some gallery or art seller would take me under their wing and get me rich and famous. Doesn't that sound magical and fancy?
Over the past few years I've come up with a barrel of reasons why I can't actually be an artist, and the past few months, I finally have seen those those for what they really are: Excuses. I want to make stuff people want to buy, and sell it. That sounds to me like starting a business. That sounds to me like a lot of work. OH NO! WORK?
My number one excuse for not going for this? The excuse I didn't say out loud? The excuse I wouldn't even admit to myself? Laziness. That's right. The whole reason my life for so many years was out of control. Doing the right thing just seemed too hard. What a selfish and meaningless existence!
I lost 100 lbs, figured out hard work is WORTH the effort, and now here I am, an ARTIST. If I want this, I can have it. God gave me this talent, I'm gonna use it! I've been inspired by so many people I used to feel jealous of. Blaming my decisions in my life on everyone and everything but myself. My fiancée is doing what he loves to do, not because he was LUCKY, but because he worked his butt off to get to a point where he COULD.
So, it will take a lot of self-motivation, a lot of work (because seriously, learning about taxes, shipping laws, and copywrites is BORING and sometimes OVERWHELMING), but I'm going to stick it out, an do it. Because if I'm gonna pay back these stupid student loans, I'm gonna do something I love to do to make that money! No more avoiding that mountain. I'm gonna climb it.
Genesis 18:14 Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."
Job 42:2 "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.
Jeremiah 32:17 "Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.
Jeremiah 32:27 "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?
Mark 10:27 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
