I have a very unhealthy obsession with my weight. I gained a lot of weight back in high school and didn't do much about trying to lose it until after I finished college. Up until that point I didn't think it was possible for me to lose weight. I finally found some groove and lost like 110 lbs, but since I got pregnant with Isaac, like a lot of moms, I struggle with losing it now.
I have about 60 lbs to lose to get to a normal bmi. Honestly I'd be happy to just get under the 200 lb mark since it seems to be next to impossible for me.
I just am tired of living every day thinking about my weight and my diet and all that constantly. It seriously shouldn't be the number one thing on my mind. It makes me miserable. Even when I think I've lost a couple pounds, because I've lost it and gained it back several times it doesn't even feel like an accomplishment!
I have been kind of just going with the flow the past few months. In the devotional I am currently doing I was challenged to follow a plan every day so that my days can be used constructively. I think this has been one of the hardest things for me to learn in my life, since I've always just kind of gone where the river takes me.
I haven't smoked for 2 days. I have had 3 days of successful diet (no I'm not counting my calories, but I am focusing on eating healthy foods). I have had 3 days that I filled with activities. I haven't been completely perfect, but I feel victorious and its building momentum.
I have been trying to limit my computer and tv time so that I can focus on more important things.
I can't live my life if I ignore it. Trying to take this as slow as I can so I don't slip up or burn out. I really want to get things in order again. To relearn self-control in areas I used to have it in. So I can feel good about the things I do and confident in my own actions.
I love that you're doing this :) You are SUCH an inspiration to me. <3
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