Role Models

I got done vacuuming the other day and turned to see Isaac holding the neck of a guitar hero guitar and pushing it on the floor like a vacuum. Each day I see how much of a role model I am for my son. Even if you aren't a parent, you are a role model for someone, and this is something we should all keep in mind.

I struggle with being a role model for him, because I am so far from perfect, so far from being someone I'd want him to be when he becomes an adult. In the past I've been a role model for my little brother, for kids at summer camps, for younger schoolmates... At times I've taken my job as a role model very seriously, where I really thought about my actions and the words that came out of my mouth. Other times I used my power, because that's what being a role model gives you, to corrupt.

We cannot control the choices others make, but we definitely can influence them. I wonder about all the kids who I got to do a drug for the first time, who I poked fun at for still being a virgin... I wonder if they are in a worse off place now because of me. I wonder if things for them could have been different if I had been supportive in a different way. I am very sorry for the things I have done in my past, and I want to do my best to give my son a better chance than that.

I am in the process of changing me inside. I do things and act ways I do not want my son to imitate. Every time he sees me lift a cigarette to my mouth I tell him not to look at me, that I'm ashamed of this habit, and I don't want him to think its okay. I promise to him that I will quit before he can remember me ever having the habit. When he gets fussy with me because I'm in the kitchen eating a bunch of stuff I shouldn't be eating, I give him some so he'll quiet down, but I feel guilty about it.... what am I teaching him to do?

Its so hard, so painful... I've had thoughts that maybe he'd be better off without me influencing him... but what its all come down to is that I have some problems, some bad habits, and its better for him to see me DEALING and COPING with whats going on, working hard to change myself, so that he can see he can change things about himself someday too if he needs to. I hope and pray that this can teach him to take on life in a manner I've struggled with myself. That he can have confidence that I don't have, that he won't have the anxiety and self doubt I inherited myself from my own parents. I hope that teaching him about God and Jesus and showing him a way to know Him personally can help give him that confidence I missed out on.

Remember, being a role model gives you power, the power of influence. Watch what you do, what you say. When someone asks you advice, listen well and think hard before you say anything at all. They may not imitate you, they may not take your advice, but you can influence them. Try to be a positive influence on the relationships around you. Especially your children.