Saying Goodbye

My sponsor suggested writing a letter to one of my favorite trigger foods, but I can't just do the one. I have to say goodbye to them all.

My dear trigger foods,

You have been there for me through so many things. You always made me feel better when times were tough. Every time I knew we would meet, I waited for you in excited anticipation. Knowing that the moment you were in my arms it would be okay, that I could smile and sigh in relief. You've been there for birthdays, graduations, celebration... you were there through my parent's divorce and second separation, you brought me together with others like minded as me, you were there after I was abused, you were there when I abused myself, you have been here through all the little mix-ups and mistakes that have made me feel bad, you've been around through my pregnancy, through late nights and long afternoons... You were there when I was alone, and when I was with friends.

But you've not been a good friend. You've helped me destroy my body. You have aided in my depression, in making me feel weak, powerless, stupid, ugly, fat, and worthless. The joy you bring me is only ever temporary, and the pain that follows is just as reliable. For years instead of looking forward to meeting you again, I've been filled with dread knowing I have to face you once again, and that once again, my resolve will wither away and I will cave to your power over me. I no longer love you, I hate you. I am afraid of you. The only reason I don't want to give you up is because I know that I will have to face you and your temptations again and again.

Your power over me has been like so many other abuses in my life. Yet, you are not a person hurting me to fulfill their own selfish needs. You are food. You have no mind, no will. And still somehow the power you hold over me is stronger than pretty much any other thing in my life.

I may not be able to overcome you on my own, but I do have God. The God of this whole world, a God who can do anything, a God who can take your power over me away. I don't have to be afraid anymore because I can look to God for comfort now, for happiness, for peace. And God doesn't take it all back and make me feel bad for getting that from Him. He wants me to have His love and gives it FREELY. And His love makes me feel better than any other thing in this world.

I don't have to ever regret loving God or asking Him to take control of my life. Ever. He will be with me through everything, no matter how big or small.

So goodbye trigger foods. So long. I know we will meet again, and often, but instead I will choose love and joy in God's light over you.

No longer yours,

Danielle