Restore Me to Sanity

My compulsive eating is something I despise. I hate food. If I could just quit eating for the rest of my life, that would be a dream come true. It is the source of so much unhappiness. It has made me fat, and being fat makes me feel worthless. It makes my life unmanageable. So caught up in eating and hiding the evidence or not eating and fighting the grumble in my stomach that I let my days pass me by. I lose out on time. Time I could use loving myself, loving my friends, and loving my family. Time I could use reading, connecting with nature, meditating. Time I could use blessing my home with cleanliness. Time I could use to pamper myself and be kind to myself. If I am going to beat this, I have to have faith! I cannot solve this, a doctor cannot solve this, a perfect husband/mother/father cannot solve this, but God can. God can heal me. God can work on me. God can lead me. If I let him. That's where faith comes in. I have to believe God can do it. I have to believe that he wants to help me, that he wants good things for my life, and trust him to take me where I need to go. Faith, honesty, and obedience. If I use today to obey what God's will is for me, I am honest with him about my needs and my feelings, if I ask from him for the courage and willpower I cannot stir up on my own... I can find freedom from compulsive eating.